Language, Etiquette & Allyship

Outdated & Harmful Terms - What to Avoid and Why

Outdated / Harmful Term Issue Use Instead
Homosexual (as noun for a person) Clinical, pathologizing; used during era of psychiatric diagnosis Gay person, lesbian, queer person
Transgendered Adding "-ed" suggests something done to the person Transgender (adjective only)
A transgender (as noun) Removes "person" "A transgender person" or "a trans person"
Transsexual Largely outdated Transgender (unless someone uses this term for themselves)
Transvestite Outdated, clinical Cross-dresser
Hermaphrodite Inaccurate, pathologizing Intersex person
Sexual preference Implies orientation is a choice Sexual orientation
Gay / transgender lifestyle Implies identity is a behavioral choice LGBTQ+ people and their lives
Born in the wrong body Not all trans people use this framework Use the person's own language
Preferred pronouns Implies pronouns are optional Correct pronouns, or simply "pronouns"
Admitted homosexual Implies shame "Openly gay," "out"
Sex change operation Overemphasizes surgery Gender-affirming surgery / care
Condition / disorder for intersex variations Medicalizes natural variation Intersex variation or trait

Pronoun Etiquette

  • Don't assume pronouns from appearance
  • When unsure, use they/them until you know
  • Introducing your own pronouns creates space for others to share theirs
  • If you misgender someone: correct yourself briefly ("she - sorry, they"), move on. Don't over-apologize
  • Using correct pronouns is a basic form of respect, not optional

Allyship Principles

  • Listen first - understand someone's experience before assuming what they need
  • Educate yourself - the labor of explanation shouldn't fall entirely on LGBTQ+ people
  • Speak up - use privilege to advocate where LGBTQ+ people may not feel safe
  • Distinguish support from saviorism - follow LGBTQ+ people's lead
  • Recognize rainbow washing - organizations adopting LGBTQ+ symbols without structural action