Asexual vs Aromantic: What's the Difference?

Asexual describes little or no sexual attraction. Aromantic describes little or no romantic attraction. They are two different things and neither one implies the other. A person can be asexual and not aromantic, aromantic and not asexual, both, or neither. Splitting the two apart is what the split attraction model is for.

What is the difference between asexual and aromantic?

The difference is which kind of attraction is being described.

Asexual, often shortened to ace, means experiencing little or no sexual attraction. It says nothing about whether someone wants a relationship, falls in love, has crushes, or gets married.

Aromantic, often shortened to aro, means experiencing little or no romantic attraction. It says nothing about whether someone experiences sexual attraction, has sex, or wants physical closeness.

Most people never have to separate these two, because for most people they arrive together and point at the same person. When they do not arrive together, you need two words instead of one. That framework is usually called the split attraction model, and it is the reason combinations like "aromantic allosexual" or "alloromantic asexual" exist as ordinary descriptions rather than contradictions.

Asexual vs aromantic: side by side

	Asexual	Aromantic
What it describes	Sexual attraction	Romantic attraction
Core meaning	Little or no sexual attraction	Little or no romantic attraction
Opposite term	Allosexual	Alloromantic
Spectrum terms under it	Graysexual, demisexual, fraysexual, cupiosexual, aegosexual	Grayromantic, demiromantic, frayromantic, cupioromantic, quoiromantic
Can this person fall in love?	Yes, many asexual people do	Usually not in the way the word romantic is normally used, though many aromantic people have deep, committed relationships
Can this person want sex?	Some do, some do not, and both are common	Yes, aromantic people have the full range of sexual orientations
Flag	Four stripes: black, gray, white, purple (AVEN contest, 2010)	Five stripes: dark green, light green, white, gray, black (2014 revision by Cameron Whimsy)
Where it sits in LGBTQIA+	The A covers asexual, aromantic and agender. Not "ally".

What does aroace mean?

Aroace is the short form for being both aromantic and asexual. It is a common combination and has its own community, vocabulary and flag. Being aroace does not mean having no relationships: many aroace people build queerplatonic partnerships, chosen families or long committed friendships that are as central to their lives as a marriage is to anyone else's.

See our aroace entry for more.

The four combinations, in plain terms

Asexual and alloromantic. Falls in love, does not experience sexual attraction. Might be a biromantic asexual, a homoromantic asexual, and so on. This is one of the most common ace experiences.
Aromantic and allosexual. Experiences sexual attraction, does not experience romantic attraction. Often faces the assumption that this is a moral failing rather than an orientation, which it is not.
Aroace. Both. Often the point at which people stop trying to work out which of the two is "the real one".
Neither. Alloromantic and allosexual, which is most people, and is why the split attraction model is unfamiliar to most people.

Which word should I use?

Start with which kind of attraction feels absent, faint or conditional, and use the word for that one. If both feel that way, aroace exists. If you cannot tell the two apart in your own experience, that is extremely common and does not have to be resolved: many people find that the distinction only becomes clear years later, and some find it never becomes clear and use whichever word gets them understood.

Two things worth saying plainly. You do not have to have never felt anything: the spectrum words exist precisely for "sometimes", "faintly" and "only under one condition". And you are allowed to try a word on, use it for two years, and swap it. Nothing about that makes the first two years wrong.

Questions people ask

Can you be asexual and still be in a relationship?

Yes, and many asexual people are. Asexuality describes attraction, not what someone wants from a relationship. Ace people marry, date, parent and partner in every configuration other people do.

Can you be aromantic and still love people?

Yes. Aromantic describes romantic attraction specifically, not affection, loyalty, care or love in general. Many aromantic people describe deep and lasting love for friends, family and partners without the specific experience the word romantic points at.

Is aromantic the same as being commitment-phobic?

No. Fear of commitment is an anxiety about entering something you do want. Aromanticism is the absence of a particular kind of attraction. Plenty of aromantic people are in long-term committed partnerships.

Do you have to be asexual to be aromantic?

No, and this is one of the most common misunderstandings. Aromantic people have the full range of sexual orientations, and aromantic allosexual people are a large part of the aro community.

What does the A in LGBTQIA+ stand for?

Asexual, aromantic and agender. It has never officially stood for ally, and ace and aro organisations have been consistent about that for over twenty years.